It wasn’t just the collapse of the cryptocurrency exchange FTX that made the news, but also the personal lives of founder Sam Bankman-Fried and his inner circle.

Bankman-Fried’s girlfriend Caroline Ellison, who serves as CEO of FTX subsidiary Alameda, and others related to the company, turned out to be polygamous.

Polyamorous relationships are a consensual non-monogamous form in which couples maintain more than one romantic or sexual relationship.

The British newspaper The Guardian noted that many people in the inner circle of the empire created by Bankman-Fried shared a luxury penthouse in the Bahamas and were in a “cop”: a network of interconnected romantic relationships.

According to Coindesk, a site specializing in bitcoin and other virtual currencies, “all 10 people were or were romantically involved with each other.”

Ellison pondered polygamy in a 2020 post on his Tumblr blog:

“… When I took my first step into polygamy, I thought of it as a radical break with my past. [tradicional]???????? [Mas] [para ser honesta]I came to the conclusion that acceptable monogamy style is characterized by something like: [um] “Chinese imperial harem”… none of that non-hierarchical nonsense. Everyone’s partner should have a ranking, people need to know where they’re ranked, and power struggles over those rankings.”

As a researcher on social media, online dating, and polygamy, I worry that Ellison’s posts and the news stories covering them might create misunderstandings about polygamy and further stigmatize unconventional relationship styles.

Hierarchical Polycles

Polyamory, often abbreviated as “poly,” is relationship-oriented and consensual. Those concerned are aware of the agreement. It’s definitely not about sex.

These networks of relationships are known as “polycles” or “constellations” and can be complex and interconnected. The word “polycles” is a combination of “polyamory” and “molecule”, reflecting configurations of relationships similar to the chemical structure of molecules.

In the hierarchical ‘polycule’ that Ellison mentions in his blog post, there is a central relationship called ‘primary’. Others are often referred to as “secondary” or “tertiary” partners.

Views on how status might work within hierarchical structures differ. For example, the Scarleteen blog suggests that “a ‘secondary’ partner is no less important, but can be a smaller part of one’s daily life.”

The Polyamory Today website has its own hierarchical definition of poly: “partners are unequal in terms of things like strength and interdependence within the relationship and relationship density.”

Non-hierarchical arrangements reject a hierarchical system. In such relationship configurations, partners are not categorized by terms such as “primary” or “secondary”. It also means that no one has higher priority or privileges or “veto power” over other partners.

Hierarchy does not mean subjugation

As Ellison’s blog reflects, discussions about hierarchy are plentiful in these non-traditional circles and often provoke strong opinions.

While Ellison favors the hierarchical format, there is no evidence that one poly style is better than another in terms of relationship satisfaction or attachment security. I’d say styles are acceptable as long as the people involved accept the deal they’re in.

Hierarchical styles can clarify expectations about roles within a polycule. That said, I think it’s important to note that, even if Ellison is ironic or sarcastic, the “violent power struggles” he claims go against the spirit of polygamy.

The Find Poly blog states that noncompetitive advocacy is a vital skill in polygamous relationships, whether hierarchical or not.

Also, for those unfamiliar with polygamy, Ellison’s post may be misinterpreted as a fusion of contemporary polygamy with non-consensual forms of monogamy.

In defending the Chinese imperial harem as a model, Ellison appeals to the legacy of patriarchal societies where women served as wives and concubines.

Recent research shows that consensual monogamy is becoming more common among young Americans. According to a 2020 YouGov poll, 43% of millennials “probably say their ideal relationship is not monogamous.”

Therefore, Ellison’s posts are more likely to reflect changes in relationship norms than sexual deviations.