Marcelo Birmajer’s new story: The new wave

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Marcelo Birmajer’s new story: The new wave

“The new wave”, Marcelo Birmajer’s new story. Illustration: Hugo Horita

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I was getting comfortable in my seat, after two years without traveling abroad and after missing a flight because the PCR farce was caught twenty minutes, when my seatmate told me with a smile: – I heard that- you miss the flight in the morning. let me laugh: It just gets better.

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He laughed out loud, not caring if I would let him or not.

“Allow me to introduce myself,” he insisted in the unnecessary verb. I am Gazpacho Alighieri, a social engineer. Unfortunately, I am not part of the organization of the first harvest of restrictions. I don’t know the geniuses who performed that epic. But who will tell me that I will sit destiny next to a dissident.

-I think there is no plan behind the big display of restrictions and the chinstrap -I tried to justify that absurd conversation-. Like the great folly of mankind, I suspect the phenomenon happened spontaneously. In the world stupidity is like water: 70 percent. Entrepreneurs don’t need to spread it.

“In any case,” Gazpacho continued. Now I will fix it, and they will pay me millions of dollars. The new wave in Shanghai inspired me to name my holding company: The new wave.

We’ll start by restricting streaming of content on home platforms. In previous years, we banned people from leaving their homes, but we allowed them to watch series and movies. Now we go further: all virtual space must be used exclusively to disseminate information against covidotherwise the lines may be full and we will all die.

“But you’re really crazy,” I finally exclaimed.

“Yes, of course,” he replied calmly. But That’s why they will pay me millions of dollars and you will never be able to travel in your life again..

One mistake we made with previous restrictions was allowing people to walk as usual, on two feet. The real way to prevent covid spread is for everyone to walk straightIn this way, human-to-human interactions and, therefore, transmission of this deadly disease will be radically limited.

– But are you willing to spend the rest of your life making handstands? I challenge him.

“Ah, but you’re really weird,” he said nervously to me. The specialists who were on TV forced us to stay home and wear a mask, under the death penalty, did they stay home or did they wear a mask? Don’t! They happily move into television studios, without masks, to remind us.

They knew full well that it was impossible to talk to a chinstrap. To think that I will move vertically is, as Don Quixote says, that you want so much, to think of what is allowed. You’ll have a hard time scrolling vertically; me on my two feet, as usual, and my new girlfriend too.

– What new girlfriend? -he ran away from me-.

– The woman I’ll walk on my two feet, while I force the remaining species to stand in the palms of their hands. But now if I think about it, I am overwhelmed: let’s directly eliminate the possibility of speaking out. Because people can approach, even slowly, vertically, and when speaking there will be an exchange of aerosol type, saliva, air particles.

So that’s it we will completely ban communication between humans: this is how we will save species. It will be a new planet: The Planet of the Cuddles. I don’t rule out the persistence of a dissident, like you, who keeps speaking out just out of gibberish and saying. We will persecute you, we will prevent you from even moving upright, you will lose your job, your ability to express yourself. We will probably imprison him. How do you see it?

He laughed again.

I pressed the stewardess button to request a seat change. But no one answered my call. Gazpacho progressed in his exposition: – Until now, as Marx said, philosophers have devoted themselves to the observation of the world: the important thing is to stop it completely. How can we observe it if we do not prevent it?

We must stop all activities that remained in effect under previous restrictions. Food production, public transport, supermarkets. Only covid test centers remain functional, but not the delivery of results.

– But … what is the use of a testing center, if they do not deliver the results?

Gazpacho scratched his head: “There are already vaccines,” he randomly replied. Everything seems to indicate that they are working. And if they do work, obviously all the bureaucratic paraphernalia related to covid will only be available for people to do something, because they won’t be working or studying, nor will they have access to any kind of fiction.

“And what do you do: I do PCR. And you? I prefer antigens. But to get the antigen, they first had to do a PCR on me. But have you been vaccinated? 5 times. I also had covid 5 times. “

Those are the dialogues we will allow, through chat. Up to 500 characters per person, per chat. We will also ban chat groups. The ban on live dialogue is very important. Although we will probably also ban cell phone conversations; Not so heavy, unfortunately, because it gradually uses.

We want our bans to have a truly paralyzing effect on daily life: like today, when millions of vaccinated people use the mask on public roads, without knowing why. That’s my utopia. First the mask in the open air, then complete silence.

I will miss, yes, the times I chased on the road without a mask. To a neighbor, to an employee, to a walker. I want to shout at them to wear a mask, threatening them with calling the police. Those were my moments of glory. Chase passers -by, destroy business, close school. Put on your mask, madam! Chistrap! Nothing lasts forever.

“I admit you’re pretty close to fulfilling, your utopia,” I admit. I do not believe that the inhabitants of liberal democracies will accept these restrictions with meekness.

I grew up in a world where students took to the streets as an act of telling the truth (I admit that I was opposed to May 68 and the university lists went away); but I seem to be old to another, which is enough to tell them: stay home.

Fix the title: The planet of Cuddles. Finally, it is enough to command humanity: do not study or work. Unfortunately, the result is not a more peaceful world. As far as I understand, Putin did not pay much attention to the slogan “stay at home”.

-He will not pretend that I am trying to stop Putin -Gaspacho made his last laugh, put on his sleep mask, then drank Bloody Mary, which was immediately served by the stewardess, then pressed the button-. I feel like I enjoy missing people like you on the fly: our target is people who are studying and working. Putin let him do what he wanted. Good night.


Source: Clarin

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