For almost a decade I have been dreaming Get pregnant. She saw a crib, a baby and tears came to her eyes. I was obsessed. All she wanted was to be a mother, her partner to be a father. But today, after realizing her dream, regrets: “It’s a nightmare”

Alice Mann – she chose a pseudonym to tell her story – is a normal woman who, after having been in a relationship for more than 11 years, in which she spent most of her time trying to be a mother, has separated.

She was already 35 and completely alone, so she decided to do it freeze the eggs and if at 40 she was still single, to be able to fulfill her goal of having a child with the help of a donor.

Over the years she has been able to meet a new love and together they were ready to start a family. But the obstacles began to appear.

So they had to go through a in vitro fertilization, a natural pregnancy and a miscarriageto make the decision to look for an egg donor.

Pregnancy at 44 years old

At 44, Alice managed to get pregnant. As expected, her joy flooded all of her family and close friends. What no one expected was how Alice would feel after giving birth.

“The I didn’t feel anything when I had my baby on my chestI didn’t get as excited as I thought, much less I felt that overwhelming love that women talk about “, begins his story.

And he continues: “In return, I felt a deep sadness and fear run through my whole body”, he spreads Daily Mail and Oddity Central.

Alice, who spent more than $ 113,000 dollars to get pregnanthe began to feel that there was nothing in this process that he was enjoying.

It was then that he began to torment himself with feelings “Unnatural and not maternal” and for the mother who “touched” her daughter.

desire to be a mother

“For a long time, all I wanted in my life was to be a mother. Now that my dream has come true, I felt like a complete nightmare from which I wanted to wake up and run away “admits with some guilt.

Reveal what you felt “anxiety, horror, fear, pain and misery”, and who believed it was all triggered by lack of sleep, lack of control of his hormones, and recovery from the long and painful Caesarean section.

Alice justifies – or at least tries – that she felt less prepared to be a mother because of the enormous time she invested in trying, and that with each failed treatment his goals changed.

To understand better, it’s simple: first she desperately wanted a baby, in the end she just wanted to get pregnant.

“Since it didn’t happen to me it kept me from thinking about what life with a child would really be like. However, after several therapy sessions and seeing how other mothers went through the same situation, I was able to change the way I see myself. Life is different from the one we left behind. It’s not worse, it’s just different. “reflects.