The story of the 35-year-old woman who is a virgin and refuses social pressures to have sex

Sonali Chandra. A 35-year-old girl shared a message with the American site Insider, where she talks about her religious beliefs and talks about the value of being a virgin in marriage. The woman’s article recounts the origin of her family in India, her religious values, the strict upbringing her parents imposed on her and her adolescence in New York.

“My colleagues often talk about their various relationships. I never join the conversation,” she describes.

“I’m 35 and I proudly hold my V (virgin) card. I need a ring on my finger before I lose my virginity to my only partner. I would be devastated if I betrayed my principles and had a one night stand.”

“It’s not because I’m scared, even though I know first-time sex can be painful. But ‘friends with benefits’ and non-committal relationships aren’t my thing. I’m looking for my soul mate,” the published text says on Insiders.

“As a first generation modern American Indian, I am happy to maintain the traditional values ​​of the country where my parents grew up. Sex before marriage is taboo in India.”

“My mom and dad never talked about sex when I was growing up. My sister and I loved watching Bollywood movies in the 90s and early 2000s. The movies didn’t show a couple kissing, but the actors were allowed hold hands,” she says.

“When I was in high school there was no cleavage, no makeup, and you couldn’t socialize with boys. I stayed home for prom and senior year. The only time I got dressed was for dance recitals. She has been dancing Indian dance for years and she has performed in high school talent shows. People were shocked because I was the class nerd who wore glasses and braces.”

In India keeping the hymen intact until marriage is important, as it is associated with the spiritual purity that the woman must keep for her husband, but beyond the religious issue, there is also a social pressure to keep it, because it is estimated that the bride’s family is risking their honor by marrying a virgin.

For this reason, in some tribes and rural localities it is customary to also subject the bride to a vaginal examination, to confirm whether she is truly chaste. Many husbands mistakenly think that if the wife does not bleed at her first sexual experience, it is because she is not a virgin. For this they order degrading medical examinations for young women.

“I lived with my family during my years at Rutgers University, where I majored in finance. My father used to say, ‘What happens on college campuses? Kids just lay there.”

“She told me about her plans for my arranged marriage on my way home from graduation in 2009. I was 23 and thought, ‘You haven’t even let me have a boyfriend.’ She said: “I will find someone for you. There are all kinds of Indian matrimonial sites online.”

“I told him no thanks.”

In India it is a deep-rooted and traditional custom for parents to organize their children’s marriages. In exchange for the protection and care of their daughter, the bride’s family gives a dowry or a sum of money to the future husband and her family. Sometimes it happens that the promised dowry amount is unaffordable for a family, so numerous “dowry murders” occur due to disputes between families.

“Dad set out to find someone in America who had strong Indian values. He tried to introduce me to doctors and lawyers. But I’ve never met them. I didn’t trust my father to choose a husband for me. He would like someone like him. My parents’ wedding, arranged in India, was a challenge.”

“I had my first kiss at 26 and it was amazing. Things didn’t go any further. I think the romance went nowhere because of my beliefs.”.

Four years ago, I met another guy I really liked. One evening we were having a drink in a hotel bar and he wanted to rent a room. I told him it would be my first time. Tell me: “You deserve someone who is always by your side, but I can’t be.” He hasn’t returned my calls or texts since.”