Are you friends with your ex?: Psychologists make shocking revelations

After a separation or divorce, many people want to maintain some type of relationship relationship with his ex. Both because there are children involved, and as a way to remain friends after a few or many years of living together.

Of course, if the divorce took place by mutual agreement between both parties, the matter would be much simpler than if one of the two decided to leave and rebuild your life.

In the event that there are minor children, there will be no other way than to continue to see the ex, even if occasionally, which will be easier if the relationships remain in the past. best possible terms.

Some psychologists have published articles on whether or not you should maintain a friendship with your ex. And although everything will depend on the personal situationtheir analyzes allow us to draw some conclusions.

Is being friends with your ex bad for your mental health? Psychologists respond

Marco Traversregular contributor to the magazine Forbesis one of the psychologists who addresses this topic in an article published by the site Psychology today.

First, Travers invites us to ask ourselves what a person expects from friendship with that person. ex-partner. In this sense, he explains in his text, «many rely on the friendship of their ex to ease the pain of a breakup. Even if one platonic relationship “It seems like a great way to keep an ex in your life without being intimate, it can lead to several difficult situations.”

The psychologist cites a study published in Personal relationships based on which people choose to stay friends of his exes for four main reasons:

• Safety.
• Practicality.
• Civilization.
• Unresolved romantic desires.

This way, according to research, you are more likely to maintain a friendship with an ex safety AND practicality have positive results.

When romantic desire hasn’t dissolved

However, Mark Travers warns that if the friendship is based on romantic wishes unresolved or simply a gesture of “civilization”, risks becoming murky and generating conflicts.

“Friendships based on civility are unlikely to last as long as those born of unresolved romantic longings it can cause anxiety and jealousy”.

Another question to analyze is the meaning of that friendship in the future relationships who takes the initiative.

“A breakup is a clear sign that the relationship wasn’t working out as you expected. “You gave it your all, but then you backtracked on your decision to be a couple.” But this does not mean a condemnation of celibacy. Then, most likely, they will arise new relationships.

“The last thing you want to do is start dating someone. Someone new and finding out that your ex keeps calling or texting you when you’re out with your date,” Travers says.

The psychologist adds: “Meeting or talking to an ex regularly can tell this New companion that you are not over the situation or that you are carrying baggage from a previous relationship that you may not want to deal with.

So, he advises you to be honest with the new relationship and make it clear that you maintain a friendship with him or her. So, you will have to ask yourself how you will react to the new partner, how comfortable you will feel introducing him. tell him about her.

Moreover, the Bodymind website provides some advice for starting a friendship with your ex after the breakup, in a specialized text on this topic.

Some of these tips are:

• Take time after separation.
• Consider that it is not always necessary to be friends with your ex, especially if there has been violence or abuse.
• Accept the other as he is, with his virtues and his defects.
• Put your children’s well-being first.
• If you have been a victim of abandonment, love yourself and seek your well-being.