“I Always Worry”: The Emotional Cost of Financial Stress

For Ellie Alvarado, a teacher and mother of three in Elgin, Illinois, figuring out how to pay bills has become a source of anxiety and tension, especially when she and her husband argue. how to cut spending

“When I say, ‘Okay, we can’t buy anything this week or we’re going to go uncovered,’ he says:

‘No, what are you talking about? we are both working. It shouldn’t happen, ‘”Alvarado said.

Rising food costs meant no more impromptu trips to McDonald’s.

Branded cereals and other little luxuries are also out.

Gasoline prices, which recently hovered around $ 5 a gallon, are also weighing on your budget.

“Every time I fill up our truck I’m amazed,” said Alvarado, who sometimes only sees $ 100 in his family’s checking account.

“I’m always worried,” she added.

Her husband, who works in a factory, decided to work the night shift because pay more per hour.

But his family fell behind on house payments.

“I can postpone my mortgage for two weeks,” said Alvarado, 38, who keeps track of the family budget.

“But then it turns into another two weeks, and then suddenly you they are calling“.

Inflation has now reached its highest level in the last 40 years, forcing many families to get by on less.

According to data released this month by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the consumer price index rose 9.1% from the previous year, with some of the biggest price increases going to basic necessities such as groceries. , rent and gasoline.

In any case, the further financial stress not only is it difficult for bank accounts, but it can also lead to feelings of depression, shame, anger or fear.

A study of seniors published in 2017 found that how a person perceives and reacts to financial stress may have implications for their mental well-being.

Those who were upset by their economic situation were more likely to have dozens of them major depression compared to those who were also under financial pressure but were less bothered by it, even when other factors, such as health and income, were controlled.

Fortunately, “there is a lot we can do to manage and overcome stress and emotions,” said lead author of the paper, Sarah D. Asebedo, director of the School of Financial Planning at Texas Tech University in Lubbock, USA. Texas.

We talked to financial experts about dealing with the emotional fallout of financial worries and having productive financial conversations with family members.

Embrace self-reflection and communicate with empathy

when couples I do not agree on how to manage their finances, each member usually tries to get the other to change their mind, said Rick Kahler, co-founder of the Financial Therapy Association, who is collaborating on a book for couples with money problems.

Instead, Kahler suggested, think about how you react when you talk about your finances.

What is emanating from your past?

Are there any stories or scripts you live by when it comes to your finances, such as the idea that working hard will always pay off?

Approach your partner with empathy and ask:

“What’s your hope of spending this money?”

Or “What is your fear of cutting this article?” Kahler said.

Both partners will eventually realize this they want the samefor example, that everyone wants the best for their family.

Amanda Clayman, a Los Angeles-based financial therapist, noted that when communicating differences, any request must be specific.

So instead of saying:

“We need to save more,” he says:

“We find ways to save an extra $ 200 each month.”

And try to use “affirmations” whenever possible, like:

“I feel uncomfortable with how much we pay for the entertainment subscriptions and I wonder if we can reduce it.

For this to work, Clayman added, both partners need to feel that their needs are included and that they have the same say in the matter. regardless of who is most anxious or who earns the most.

Spend wisely, but don’t deprive yourself completely

Whether you live alone or manage the finances of a large family, it’s important to think about goals before trying to solve any money problems, said Megan McCoy, a licensed marriage and family therapist who teaches financial planning courses at California State University. of Kansas.

What are you saving for?

What do you need to cover on a limited budget?

Get it noticed.

So think about possible cuts, but try to keep the things that bring you joy.

Ask yourself, “What can I cut out that doesn’t negatively affect my mental health?” McCoy said.

“I think people tend to do that to shrink too hard “.

For Sarah Davis, 36, essential (but expensive) expenses include mental health therapy and her beloved cat, who has developed health problems.

“He’s like my hairy little boy,” she said.

To pay better for these things, he left Boston, where he works as a project manager, and now lives about 25 miles north of the city in Lawrence, Massachusetts.

Rent is cheaper there, he said, but it still is “disgustingly expensive”

What keeps her awake at night is the possibility of something going wrong and not knowing how long prices will continue to rise.

“They are a really bad tire replacement far from being in serious financial trouble,” said Davis, who lives alone with no other income to rely on.

There has been so much uncertainty in recent years that it “perpetually creates anxiety,” McCoy said.

But having a plan you are working on, whether it be building savings or taking steps to pay off debt, can give you a sense of power and control.

Orly Hersh and her family decided to move in with her mother five years ago to the home she grew up in in Boulder, Colorado.

He allowed his mother to grow old on the spot and for them to stay in the city they loved.

She and her husband, both teachers, cannot afford to become homeowners.

“It’s a huge plus for all of us,” said Hersh, a 53-year-old mother of two.

Although they save on housing costs, Colorado currently has some of the highest inflation costs in the nation, and rising prices have taken a big chunk of their budget.

To pay the bills for their youngest daughter’s recent hospitalization, they will have to tap into Hersh’s pension fund, “which is depressing,” she said.

But, he added, his stress level had better be resolved as soon as possible.

“I really hate having this debt hanging over my head,” he said.

Explore different types of professional help

Seeing a financial advisor can be beneficial for anyone looking to gain financial knowledge.

Perhaps, for example, you need budget tips or want to learn the basics of investing.

If cost is an issue, the Association for Financial Advice and Planning Education offers a free virtual financial advice session for anyone who experiences financial uncertainty.

Financial therapy is another type of counseling that can help people understand their thoughts and beliefs about money, especially when they feel stuck.

“The question is:

What is happening internally?

What unfinished business from the past need to be completed? ”Kahler said.

For example, one of your customers insisted on spending all the money that went into his checking account.

During financial therapy he realized that he had developed this behavior because he did not believe that his money would be safe if he saved it.

This is partly due to his childhood, when his parents withdrew all the money from his savings account after losing their money in bankruptcy.

Talking to a financial therapist can help people get to the root of their feelings about money and understand deep-seated beliefs, which “frees us to start adopting new behaviors that are good for us,” Kahler said.

A troubled economic outlook means that the rising cost of living is largely beyond our control.

But if you know you should be making wiser financial decisions and you aren’t, then “that’s when we have to look under the hood,” he said.

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