Forty years ago, I became the victim of abuse and sexual abuse by someone close to me. This happened over a fairly long period of time. I was able to identify the onset of the attacks, I was about 9 years old. In my story, I experienced these attacks until the age of 15.

There is an escalation. It started with acts of masturbation. There are blowjobs. It ended with ejaculations in my vulva. This has been done for several years. I experienced several attacks. This is not the story of an event. Something stuck.

I went through it alone. I never discussed it. It’s really a shame living with you as a child because it’s someone with whom you’re connected, who has meaning for those close to you. There is a bond of trust there. As a child, you didn’t fully understand what abuse was. You live as if you are responsible.

I was scared to find out my parents. I brought up this fact.

” This guilt still bothers me sometimes. In the context of literal salvation, you learn to live with that. Let us learn to forget that. Let’s learn to land that. “

Face your attacker

In 2008, I went through a breakup and it took me to a very difficult place. I started psychotherapy and I came to the conclusion that I should identify my attacker. I really had to do it.

I took him to my house. I want to speak. I wanted to tell him what I had experienced. It’s almost that. He sat in my house in my kitchen. I said to him: do you know why I met you? He said to me: “for a story when we were young?” I said: “no, when I was young”.

He did not deny. When I saw nothing in my brain, because 40 years in my head. I have no photo memory of that. No one could tell me what I had experienced, except him and me. When I saw, after a few minutes, that he knew what I was saying, I was angry and relieved.

Revoke your identity

The particularity in my file is that the identity of my attacker is protected because the facts happened when he was a minor. I will live with that. I understand that my identity needs to be protected because I am the victim. During the trial, I asked the judge to withdraw my identity and discuss it openly when I felt the need. Something given to me.

” I need to talk about it because I’m quiet. I am no longer ashamed. I am no longer ashamed of what happened. Over the years, I have heard from people who have made a difference in me. Hopefully I can do this for others. “

I would like to believe that the legal process is a worthwhile process. The judge found my attacker guilty of the counts [qui pesaient contre lui] since he was a minor. He was acquitted, on the basis of reasonable doubt, of the attacks when he was of age. That is the verdict.

How am i I’m more beautiful. I’m more beautiful. This is a process that is not easy. I, on the other hand, am extremely proud of the approach I have taken and going all the way. I like, it’s starting to tread the path, recognizing my courage and pride in it. I’m proud of myself.