The 9 toxic phrases that manipulators use and how to respond according to Harvard

Recognize a manipulator It can be very difficult, because the situation usually starts out subtle and over time becomes an everyday couple dynamic. but it’s there toxic phrases they often useaccording to a psychologist from Harvard University.

Dr. Cortney S. Warrenlicensed psychologist and author of the book Letting go of your ex, explains that these expressions reflect the tactics used exercise control and dominion on others.

This type of manipulation can damage self-esteem e trigger some disorders such as anxiety or depression.

And, as has been said, it is normal for victims not to realize that they are being manipulated. And it is not only spoken in pairs but can manifest itself in Workspace.

There are strategies to counteract manipulation, such as set clear boundariesand communicate your needs and emotions effectively.

It can also be very helpful to do a search support from mental health professionals if necessary.

But being vigilant is very important. Against behaviors that make noise and become repetitive.

The phrases most used by manipulators according to Harvard

Manipulative people constantly question the mental stability of others and give guidelines for detecting themalthough if you’re the one in the middle it’s not easy.

Subsequently, the 9 phrases most used by manipulators and what should we answer? In any case, according to Warren, he specializes in romantic unions and separations, and received his clinical training at Harvard Medical School.

“You are crazy”

Manipulative people often try undermine mental stability of others, sowing doubts about their perspective and rationality.

And the way they do this is by constantly posting comments that question your views, perceptions, and decisions.

What to answer:

• “Please don’t question my ability to think clearly.”
• “Even if we don’t agree, that’s the reality for me.”

“You’re overreacting”

He Gas lighting It is a type of manipulation widely used in toxic relationships. The accusation which underlines the drama of the affair aims to try to dismiss his concerns irrational and unfounded.

What to answer:

• “Whether you agree with me or not, this is how I feel right now.”
• “I would appreciate it if you didn’t judge my feelings. They are mine and are not up for discussion.

“It was a joke”

A common strategy among manipulative people is downplay their offensive comments and then disguise them as an innocent joke.

They make violent insinuations that can damage the other person’s self-esteem and confidence, but when confronted they try to downplay their words.

What to answer:

• That comment might be funny to you, but it hurt my feelings.
• “I didn’t think you were joking and I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk to me like that.”

“I did it for you”

When something doesn’t go as planned, these types of people try avoid taking responsibility.

And what is the best way to do it? Simple, shifting the responsibility and blame to the other person.

What to answer:

• “I can’t make you do anything.”
• “Your behavior is a reflection of your choices, not mine.”

“If you loved me, you would let me do what I want”

When you try to set boundaries with a gaslighter, he may feel offended and try to make you feel guilty by saying that you don’t care about him.

What to answer:

• “My boundaries reflect my values ​​and how I choose to live my life.”
• “I don’t feel comfortable doing this. I’m telling you, not asking you, to respect my limits.”

““I’m only telling you this because I love you.”

Sometimes, manipulators may experience rude, sometimes hurtful comments by saying this they come from a place of love.

This can make it much more difficult to trust your instincts and set healthy boundaries.

What to answer:

• “I appreciate that you love me, but I don’t agree with the way you talk to me.”
• “This is not how I want love to be shown to me.”

“It’s all your fault”

A gaslighter may try to accuse you of harmful actions even if there is clear evidence that you are engaging in similar behavior.

What to answer:

• “I’m sure I contribute to our relationship problems in some way, but so do you. “We both have to be willing to change if we want to improve the situation.”
• “I am willing to take responsibility for my role in this, but I do not take responsibility for yours.”

“Everyone agrees with me”

By falsely aligning themselves with others, gaslighters may attempt to manipulate you into believing that you need them. Their goal is to make you believe that you are alone and that no one else will put up with you.

What to answer:

• “I would appreciate it if you spoke for yourself and not for others.”
• “I hear you find me difficult. We remain focused on this.”

“The real problem is…”

When called to attention, those controlling the link may attempt to do so divert attention from yourself.

This makes it easier to focus on what is happening to someone or something else.

What to answer:

• “Please don’t change the subject.”
• “It sounds like you don’t want to acknowledge how you’re contributing to the problem.”